Thursday, June 3, 2010

The One That Got Away

Today I was checking my ryerson email. My email address, not a bunch of messages from Ryerson. Good thing too, I don't want to give them any more money...anyway they call me for that. No, I was just maintained the account just in case I ever want to impersonate a student. I also use it as the email I punch in for unimportant forms that need to be filled out.

I was deleting the usual Facebook updates and such when all of a sudden, there it was, a Buy Viagra email. In general I find that I probably sign in to a bunch of things, maybe more than the average person but I don't usually get a lot of Spam, I'm not sure why. I know spam exists but I don't really get it. I guess it's kind of like a car accident, statistically you know that you're supposed to get in one, but you never think it's going to happen to you...until it does.

This Viagra was a violation, an abomination, how did it weasel its way past my defenses. I kind of picture Spam blockers as a form of Tower Defense, and I was always good at Tower Defense. But now, one got through.

So it's become a new game, a game of Clue. We're all in the parlour, Mr.Facebook, handlebar mustache with a ten gallon hat, Miss Contest Entry her flashy good looks always tempting and full of promise and Skype, a ratty skiddish looking fella with one leg longer than the other. I of course am smoking a bubble pipe and wearing a deerstalker hat.

I pace back and forth holding my attention on each one until I whip around to face Miss Contest Entry. "It would appear you are the most likely suspect, multiple forms to fill and contests usually want to sell you things, however, I made sure each time to properly uncheck certain boxes wishing to email me things. Mr. Facebook, you sir are a scoundrel and a sneak, slowly changing your privacy rules to sell away my information without me knowing...and Skype, the new kid. After perusing when I added you that's when all these Viagra Ads popped up." Skype looks to the exit and tries to make a run for it, sadly his wobble makes him an easy target to trip. He falls down. I point my accusing finger at him "It was you!" Skype spits at me and laughs "So what if it was, what's done is done, you'll never be able to stop Viagra NEVER!" He throws down a smoke bomb and scuttles off. "SKYYYYYPE!"

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