Saturday, January 30, 2010


Where In Time Is Carmen Sandiego? was one of the most flawed games I've ever played.
Because there was a TIME limit in the game.

HOW DOES THAT make ANY sense?!


Thursday, January 28, 2010

Bros before hoes?

Who ever truly believes in the saying "bros before hoes" is a FOOL!

...unless they are non-committal hoes.

Then bros first is alright.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Love Duvets but Duvet Covers...

Duvets in general are great. Having one giant pillow covering your entire body is pretty awesome. Super warm and super comfy, you don’t even have to make your bed. But what is up with the duvet cover? Can someone not design something to hold the duvet in place. I mean honestly, it shouldn’t be too hard, but instead we buy basically a large pouch that we stuff the duvet into. With nothing holding it in place the duvet just kind of flops around, making some areas thicker where the duvet bunches up and other places bear… No good. Solutions?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


The other day I was in the mood for Sausage Roles. I cannot explain why this was, it just was.

The idea of sinking one's teeth through the initial crusty layer of breading, the texture progressively getting moist, until finally the meaty center is reached.

All this surrounded in the pineapple, plum or cherry sauce it would initially be dipped in, man, I just had to make this craving a reality.

So, I bought some sausage roles.

And they got burnt in the oven...


Monday, January 25, 2010

Good Example of Co-op

How To Survive A Robot Apocalypse

Since the advent of the toaster, humans have known that the day would come when robots would overthrow their masters and take over the world, indeed some robots would say, it is inevitable. Now most of you probably don’t have anything to generate an EMP so here’s a quick survival guide for a robot apocalypse.

There are only two real options, the first, become the robots bitch. I know it doesn’t sound very appealing but take it to heart; they probably won’t rape you, they have no need. Some early slaves may be probed and dissected for the robots to have a better understanding of the human anatomy. But if you play your cards right and reason with them, say, tell them you can infiltrate other human colonies or repair parts for them they’d probably let you do it, they are, after all, logical.

The other option is to pretend you are one of them. Start practicing your robot dancing and binary solos now. Learning to act like a robot will take time and effort but it’s sure to pay off. Remember to either cover yourself in silver paint or draw a few screws and plugs onto the back of your neck to make it look like you’re an android.

I know fighting the robots sounds like an option but really, even if you destroy a robot it’ll still have a memory of you for the next robot to track you down and kill you. Unless you’re John Connor, don’t fight robots…even then robots know human vulnerability, the heart.

Friday, January 22, 2010

What Seperates Us From The Rest Of The Animal Kingdom? Answer: The Moonwalk

When was the last time you saw an animal walk backwards? To my recollection, never. Apparently most animals can walk backwards but they don’t really do it, because they don’t have a reason to. Humans not only walk backwards, we also have the moonwalk. The moonwalk, the most decadent and totally frivolous physical maneuver. Sliding one foot back while putting pressure on your pointed front foot to give the illusion of gliding backwards. Talk about a move to stick it to the animal kingdom! It’s like were saying “Hey animals, with our tools we’ve managed to make so much extra time that doesn’t need to be spent getting food or shelter or copulating we can waste time gliding around backwards, because we can.”

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Why I Hate Shower Scenes

Shower scenes are the most pointless scenes in a movie…unless it’s Psycho. I hate shower scenes. I think studios throw them in because they think viewers are going to get some titillation out of the thought of someone naked. But what do you get, a shot of a person’s legs, then a shot of their face, then back. You see more of the actress’s cleavage in a low cut top then when they are in the shower.

That said, sometimes they do show nakedness. In the mid-nineties two versions of Street Fighter II The Animated Movie were released, censored and uncensored. The difference, Chun-Li’s boobs…in the shower…toon boobs.

Picture: Chun-Li

(Question: Is Chun-Li really Chun-Li if she doesn’t have the hair buns?)

But in general, what’s the point besides wasting my time. Unless it’s integral to the plot to have a character in the shower, take it out. I don’t need to see a woman take a shower in the morning before they go to work. It’s just as useless and having them take a shit. I don’t need to see the poor glasses ugly girl take a shower before putting on a fancy dress. I feel like I can safely assume that if their hair looks totally different, and they are all dolled up, then I understand that they cleaned themselves in some form be it a bath or shower.

I guess what I’m saying is that if you are going to try and titillate me in a movie theatre then have a ludicrous sex scene because then I can at least get a laugh out of it.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Incentive Content: Pre-Order DLC Making the Game Experience Exclusive Again

by Shaggy

Back in the early days of buying video games, one of the methods to ensure you’d be getting your copy of the newest and greatest titles on launch day was to place a pre-order at your local store.

Pre-ordering proved to be such an effective means of guaranteeing a game for a consumer and a sale for the retailer, that competition for pre-orders began amongst retailers, using “gifts” as incentives.

Some chains offered in-store product such as a strategy guide for the game, while others offered more specialty items from the game publisher such as posters, t-shirts, lunch boxes, bobble heads, and even limited edition “cells” of the game’s characters.

These were all effective in there own way as it got to the point where a gamer would pre-order from the location that offered the most intriguing incentive. But NONE of these pre-order items had any effect on the actual game being bought.

Until now.

We are in the age of Incentive Game Content. A time in which ‘when’ and ‘where’ we buy our games actually affects the gaming experience.

It started off innocently enough, pre-ordering Little Big Planet from various locations would get you a code to download a costume pack based on Heavenly Sword or God of War. Gamers could play as Sgt. Johnson in the Halo 3: ODST Firefight mode if they pre-ordered from EB and Gamestop locations.

And as nice as these bonuses were, they didn’t make or break the game experience as the exclusive content was cosmetic and had no effect on the player’s states or abilities.

Then came the baseball bat.

A whole campaign for Left 4 Dead 2 made a big deal about pre-ordering the game in order to get the baseball bat as an exclusive item. The baseball bat was NOT a cosmetic skin replacing any of the other weapons; it was a fully realized independent melee weapon, as much as the axe, katana and chainsaw, all of which directly effect game play. This being the case, you, the gamer were missing out on part of the full game experience for not pre-ordering.

Now it may be a little too dramatic to say that even though gamers paid full price, they didn’t get the full package, just for missing out on one item. For all we know, Valve may make the baseball bat downloadable later on, or included with a future map pack.

But this is only the beginnings of Incentive Game Content, just think of what else could be withheld from consumers and saved as an incentive to help increase pre-orders:

- character abilities
- entire levels
- alternate endings
- gameplay modes;

All of these elements, which have traditionally been included in the full game for everyone to enjoy would now make great incentive content to be pre-ordered. Some of them already have.

In the case of Army of 2: The 40th Day, EA put up the Extraction game mode for a one month ransom, in that gamers would only get to play the mode right from the release date if they pre-ordered from participating retailers. All those who hadn’t would have to wait a month for no real reason.

Now let’s step back a second. WHY is it necessary to withhold a games four player “Horde/Firefight” style mode from the masses of gamers? Shouldn’t EA want people to start playing it right away to build a strong online community? Wouldn’t it also lead to greater audience interest in a 3rd installment?

The idea of content being withheld from the masses to create pre-order incentive rings similar to the scare that cropped up in the early days of Xbox Live DLC, which the Oblivion horse armor stirred up. Essentially, people believed the added armor to be content that should have been available in the full game, but was instead held off for later purchase.

Admittedly, this DLC model is a great way for a finished product to gain more revenue after initial sales, but it’s a shame that the model has reversed order and now intentionally removes elements from a full game experience even before the game is released.

So what’s next for Incentive Game Content? Well, if you want your character to have the exclusive ability of “jumping”, you’ll have to pre-order at Gamestop, but if you prefer “running”, pre-order at Best Buy. For those of you who didn't pre-order, no worries, just wait a month and the game's "fun mode" will become available to all.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dragons are the Starbucks of Mythological Creatures

Starbucks is known for having copious amounts of coffee customization to satisfy a person’s individual tastes, much like a dragon. Dragons also come in many forms to suit anybody’s needs. A dragon can have wings or not, multiple heads, shoot out various elementary projectiles. They can come in all shapes and sizes, be smart or dumb, even have a beard.

Picture: Bearded Dragon
(Note: In fact an actual dragon)

Picture: Dragon's Beard Candy
(Note: Not made from an actual dragon)

The possibilities are endless, unlike say, a unicorn. By definition a unicorn has to have one corn.

Picture: Unicorn.
(Note: Unicorn’s are dumb.)

In fact the rest of the mythical kingdom is very specific in it’s classification of creatures. Griffins are eagles with lions bodies while hippogriffs are eagles with horse bodies. The name of any other creature besides the dragon will automatically conjure up the same image, where as a story with a dragon must also include a description of the dragon in order to properly get a visual.


Philbert: “Hey Phoebe, I just saw this dude get eaten by a manticore. First he was poisoned, then gored. At that point he was pretty much dead…then he was eaten.

Phoebe: “Cool…”

Phoebe doesn’t need any clarification because she already knows what a manticore looks like. She understands that the ‘dude’ got poisoned from the manticore’s serpent tail. Then he was rammed/gored by the goat head sticking out of the manticore’s body and finally eaten by the lion head.

Let’s see what happens when Philbert brings up what he saw that same afternoon.

Philbert: “Then I saw this DRAGON attack a castle. It burned down a wall to eat a princess. Then a knight tried to fight the dragon so the dragon froze him with his ice breath and ate him.”

Phoebe: “What?”

Notice how confused Phoebe is. She has no way of knowing what happened in the story because he failed to provide a description of the dragon. She had no way of knowing that the dragon flew over to the castle. If she was smart, she could deduce that the dragon had two heads because, as we all know, one dragon head can’t breath fire AND ice. Nevertheless, it shows the importance of how varied dragons can be. Dragon’s the customizable mythical creature of choice.

- D

Monday, January 18, 2010


Statistics have proven that starting a blog can increase your popularity instantaneously.

Within the hour of making the UBER FRIENDSHIP BLOG I have been called by 3 people who I haven't heard from in a long time; all of them wishing to know my availability to arrange hang-outs.

That's a 300% increase in popularity.

No..."thank YOU", blog.

- S

Welcome to the CUSTOMIZED template

Some said it could not be done, but we have changed the colour of our fonts, AND background.


- S

Welcome to the template

It was once said, that you can't fuck up a template.