Monday, January 25, 2010

How To Survive A Robot Apocalypse

Since the advent of the toaster, humans have known that the day would come when robots would overthrow their masters and take over the world, indeed some robots would say, it is inevitable. Now most of you probably don’t have anything to generate an EMP so here’s a quick survival guide for a robot apocalypse.

There are only two real options, the first, become the robots bitch. I know it doesn’t sound very appealing but take it to heart; they probably won’t rape you, they have no need. Some early slaves may be probed and dissected for the robots to have a better understanding of the human anatomy. But if you play your cards right and reason with them, say, tell them you can infiltrate other human colonies or repair parts for them they’d probably let you do it, they are, after all, logical.

The other option is to pretend you are one of them. Start practicing your robot dancing and binary solos now. Learning to act like a robot will take time and effort but it’s sure to pay off. Remember to either cover yourself in silver paint or draw a few screws and plugs onto the back of your neck to make it look like you’re an android.

I know fighting the robots sounds like an option but really, even if you destroy a robot it’ll still have a memory of you for the next robot to track you down and kill you. Unless you’re John Connor, don’t fight robots…even then robots know human vulnerability, the heart.

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